Name what is changing before children guess
Children notice an elderly cat slowing down long before adults say anything, and silence lets them invent scarier explanations. Sit together at a calm moment and describe what you have actually seen: longer naps, hesitation before a favourite chair, shorter interest in a wand toy, or a slower trip to the litter box. Use simple cause and effect — her joints are stiffer, her energy runs out sooner, and resting is how her body copes. Avoid promises you cannot keep, such as saying she will get faster again, and avoid vague phrases that confuse younger children. Honest, concrete language gives them a story they can trust.
Teach the new way to be close
The hardest part for many children is that affection has to change shape. A cat who once tolerated being carried may now feel sore, unsteady, or startled when lifted, so make floor-level contact the family rule: sit down, offer a hand to sniff, and let her choose to come closer. Show children how to read her answers — leaning in and purring means continue, while ears flattening, skin twitching, tail thumping, or simply walking away means the visit is over. Practise with short, successful interactions rather than correcting after a child has already grabbed or chased her.
Give children useful jobs, not just warnings
A list of do-nots can make children feel shut out of their cat's life, so replace old activities with new contributions matched to their age. A younger child can carry a lightweight toy for a brief, slow game on the floor, keep a soft blanket folded near the cat's bed, or be the person who reports that the water bowl looks low. An older child can help track appetite on a family note, notice whether she used the low-sided litter box, or sit and read aloud nearby — companionship that asks nothing physical from a frail cat. Praise the noticing itself, because careful observation is real care.
Adjust the house so she does not have to struggle
Children understand fairness quickly, and rearranging the home makes the lesson visible. Move food, water, and one litter box to the floor she uses most so she is not forced to climb stairs for essentials, add a step or ramp to a window seat she still loves, and keep her bed in a warm spot that is near family life but out of walkways. Ask children to keep doors to her rest area predictable, keep loud games in another room, and never move her while she is asleep. When they help set up the step or choose the blanket, the changes feel like kindness rather than loss.
Talk about feelings and what comes next
Expect questions to arrive in bursts — at bedtime, weeks later, or while stroking her — and answer each one briefly and truthfully rather than delivering one big talk. Some children become extra clingy, some act out, and some seem unbothered and then cry suddenly; all of those responses are ordinary. Keep routines steady, keep mentioning her with warmth, and let children know adults feel sad too. If she stops eating, hides constantly, cries at night, or can no longer reach the litter box comfortably, tell the children you are asking the vet for help, which models that love includes seeking support. A single shared record in KinsLe via Family Sharing lets parents, grandparents, and older siblings coordinate updates in one place, so a worried child gets one calm, consistent answer from every adult.