This disagreement is rarely really about a cat. She wants warmth, height and company in a single spot, which happens to be your bed; your partner wants unbroken sleep in a bed that is not shared with a third party who kneads at dawn. A fair arrangement takes both claims seriously. She receives a sleeping place that is genuinely good, not a consolation prize, your partner receives a rule that actually holds, and the rule, once agreed, stops being renegotiated at midnight when nobody decides anything well.
Make Her Own Bed Genuinely Good
Start with the quality of the alternative, because a cat offered a thin cushion in a cold corner is not being offered a real choice. Give her a genuinely good warmed bed of her own on or beside the bed: a soft, washable bed, warmed before bedtime with a heat pad made for pets or a warmed blanket, positioned at the height and warmth she seeks, which for many cats means up on the bed's foot, a bench at its end or a shelf level with the mattress rather than down on the floor. Place it where she already tries to settle, stroke her there, and feed the occasional treat on it so the bed collects her scent and good associations. A heated, well-placed bed answers the honest reasons she wants your bed, warmth, height, softness and nearness to you, and many cats transfer to it willingly once it stops feeling like exile.
Agree One Rule and Keep It
The arrangement survives only if the humans do. Agree one consistent nightly rule with your partner, in daylight, and then keep it identically every night: either her bed on the bed is her permitted place and the pillows are not, or the bedroom is hers until lights-out and not after, or the door closes at night, whichever version both of you can hold kindly. What damages sleep and tempers alike is inconsistency, one partner relocating her at midnight while the other lifts her back during a 3 a.m. protest, because a rule that bends under protest teaches her that protest works and should be extended. Avoid making her the referee of a human disagreement: if the real dispute is about sleep quality, solve that directly with earplugs, bedding changes or honest conversation, and let her arrangement be the simple, stable part. Expect a settling period of several nights, and judge the plan after a full week rather than after one noisy evening.
If She Migrates Back in the Night
Some cats accept their bed at lights-out and migrate back by 2 a.m., and the response decides whether migration becomes the routine. If she migrates back, lift her calmly to her own bed the first times without fuss or conversation, keeping the interaction too boring to be worth repeating. If migration persists, the kind route is a closed door plus pre-bed play and supper: a proper play session in the evening, a small supper afterwards, and her warmed bed set up outside the bedroom door with water nearby, so she goes into the night tired, fed and comfortable rather than hungry and playful. Door-scratching usually fades within days once it reliably produces nothing, provided nobody opens the door at the peak of the noise, which is the one response that trains her to scratch longer tomorrow. The routine both partners follow, play, supper, door, is written down once in Family Sharing on KinsLe, so neither of you is improvising a different version at midnight.