Why the click matters more than the pushing
To you the flap's click is a small mechanical noise, but to your cat it arrives at the worst possible moment — just as her head is in an opening, her vision is restricted, and she feels the door touch her body. A cat who has been startled there once or twice learns to avoid the whole doorway, and forcing her through pairs the sound with panic, which deepens the fear. The pushing motion itself is rarely the problem; most flap-shy cats will duck through a held-open gap happily once the noise and contact are removed.
So the training order is deliberate: first make the opening safe and rewarding, then add the flap's movement, and only at the very end allow the click to return at full volume. Each stage should feel almost too easy before you move on.
Stage one: a silent, propped-open doorway
Fix the flap fully open with tape or a prop so the hole is just a hole, and if the mechanism allows, soften or disable the latch click during this phase. Encourage her through with her highest-value treats or a favourite game on the far side, letting her choose the pace entirely. Some cats need the reward placed just beyond the opening at first, then further away as confidence grows.
Keep sessions to a few minutes, several times a day, and end while she is still succeeding.
Stage two: lower the flap in small steps
Once she walks through the open hole without hesitation, lower the flap partway so it touches her back lightly as she passes, still preventing the full click if you can. Then let it rest closed but hold it for her at first contact, so she feels gentle pressure without the noise. Reward every pass generously; this is the stage where confidence is built or lost, so stay here for days if she needs it.
Next, let her push the flap herself from a partially open position, which produces a softer sound, before graduating to a fully closed flap and the real click. If she startles at any step, drop back one stage without frustration and rebuild. Pairing the click with an immediate treat after she emerges teaches her that the sound predicts something good.
Practise in both directions, since many cats exit happily but balk at re-entering. Never carry her through the flap or block her escape route during practice — control over her own movement is what makes the learning stick.
Handle the setbacks and the special cases
Weather, a neighbourhood cat waiting outside, or a single bad experience with a gust slamming the flap can reset progress. Check that the flap swings freely, is fitted at the right height for her body, and does not catch her tail or hips, since physical discomfort disguised as fear of the click is common with poorly fitted flaps. For microchip flaps, confirm her chip registers reliably so she is never met with a locked door after bravely pushing.
A cat who remains terrified after two or three weeks of patient stages, or who must use the flap for litter or safety reasons in the meantime, may do better with a temporary alternative entrance while you continue training without pressure.
Share short sessions across the household
Confidence training works best as many tiny successes rather than one long lesson, which makes it ideal work to split between people. Agree the current stage, the reward being used, and the rule that nobody advances her to the next step early because she did well once. In KinsLe Care Teams you can assign the daily flap-practice duty for your cat and note the stage reached, so every helper picks up exactly where the last session left off.